LadyMama

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Back on the Hilltop (or trying)

I wanna write but I can't, so I'm hiding in the abstract
Tossing and turning, tryin' to get back on track
Big plans I have, but its all dying in my head
Lazy and uncaring, everything has turned to lead

I know what is my toil, signs are everywhere
But when I approach, there arises this fear
Eventually, from the depths I know I must call
For a little help from the creator of it all

I used to write, and feel you flowing through my pen
You crafted each word, you told me what, how and when
But I took you for granted, and left you in the dust
Gone went all my creativity, my pen turned to rust

I keep thinking, just sit down and write and write
But its you I must face, to give my writing its light
Because on a hilltop, its only with you that I flourished
But I let you out of sight, my soul got undernourished

Look at me - rhyming poetry, so lame!
But I abandoned you, so I fully take the blame
So now I'm reaching for you, want you back, want you back
Fill all those spaces and holes where you and I know that I lack

I remember a time knowing you wanted me to write
You weren't the only one telling me, 'keep spreading the light'
But to have what to share, I gotta plug into the source
I'm telling you now, I'll get back on course

I forgot the mission, while it tugged on my core
It was really you saying, "From you I want more"
I'm here now listening, you won't have to say it again
Just come again and tell me, what, how and when

Supposed to be sleeping

I am supposed to be sleeping
But I am awake talking to G-d

1am and these words of return
Haven't been said in a year

Funny thing
I haven't returned in a year

Slichos in a brick shul
Packed with fashionable overtired girls
Smells like teen spirit

I remember last year
My first time, the pre-New Year customs in the Heights
Surroundings uninspiring, but a heart so alive it didn't need it

A year later now
And wow
Heart so alive turned the heat down and took a dive
I went up and down and up and down and found my husband in between
And now I'm back to square one
Yes, back to square one
Asking
Admitting
Arising

Pathetic voices saying
No no no no no
Mimi no
This is not in line with the mindless patterns of 12 downtrodden months
Its not supposed to be this way
You didn't go away to come back
You didn't stray to get on track
Still, all of a sudden I am talking to G-d with heart
Suddenly, my insides are reaching for him
With promises abound

yes yes yes yes yes
Mimi yes

I guess I am asleep
But my heart is alive
And these stolen lyrics will close a never ending song
Of up and down and up and down and...and...no and

It's going to be a good year

I know it

Because
You see
I am supposed to be sleeping
But I am awake talking to G-d

Engaged

It is with my 145th Live From the Hilltop post that I present the excuse for my disappearance over the past month.

Indeed, love has bitten.

Most of you have already heard the grand news that, through Hashem's completely overwhelming abundance of marvelous and almost-unfathomable blessings, I am engaged to Moshe Hecht (from Queens).

Our holy union will only result (and already has) in more positivity, strength, inspiration, creativity, urgency and honesty in discovering and spreading truth. So, to everyone who has inquired as to the status of this blog and my writing in general: Be excited. Be very excited.

Thank you to all my readers that have told me how my writing inspires, and for your insistence that I keep sharing. I am convinced that the honesty you have demanded from me has blossomed into many blessings in my life - and especially the one of finding my true soul mate.

May we continue to share only the happiest of times together and soon welcome true and complete Redemption!

With joy and gratitude,

Mimi

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Come celebrate with us!

Our L'chaim will I'YH take place this coming Tuesday!

August 12th at 8:00 PM at the
Sephardic Jewish Congregation of Queens

101-17 67th Drive
Forest Hills, NY 11375

Love Bites in Crown Heights

(Written June 14th, and debated whether to post...until just now)

Roaming Carroll, President and Union
Searching for my mate, for some soul reunion
Feeling idealistic, young and naive
Yet to be burdened, still charged to believe

Suddenly a wall, these stumbling blocks
Crash from some words, these calls and these knocks
You tell me its not simple, and force me to define
Wrap me up in plastic, no you can't hear me whine

And it's not just me, but you and you too
Wondering through the days, what you're going to do
Submit to these rules, or break through the layer
One day you feel strong, next day forced to care

So we talk and sigh and roll our eyes
Pour our words and make shadows from a disguise
Praise the system and next breathe break it to pieces
Too afraid to speak out, lest our little box ceases

He says she says, and she says some more
Why isn't what I want just knocking down my door?
They'll tell you, just settle, because he doesn't exist
And the princess inside you is too weak to resist

We're afraid to admit, we feel a little trapped
Used to believe in love, and now it's unmapped
Why can't things be more natural, a little more free
What happened to simple love, loving me for me?

Rules and regulations, we embrace and then we curse
Broken heart or rigid love, deciding whats worse
Just a little crowded, and searching for some space
The faces on Kingston just can't get out of this race

So I am here and I'm saying what you can't bare
What you've all, with fear, whispered in my ear
That you're tired of the distant, exhausted dealings
When relationships used to be more about feelings

But nevertheless, the soulmate maker has a plan
Yes, even for you, Mimi, he created a man
So sit still, be honest and hold tight your little dream
Within these boundaries, you'll become someones queen

Yes, love bites in Crown Heights, and everywhere else
But there's an end to this game that time only tells
We'll soon smile, say it was worth it, or not even recall
The love that bites in this town will soon devour us all

Never blurry

You were always so precise and direct. So focused.

So crystal clear.

You were present. So in the moment. So in the future.

So crystal clear.

You were a light. So positive, so bright.

So crystal clear.

You were action. So quick and on unafraid.

So crystal clear.

You were truth. So unrelenting and unbending.

So crystal clear.

You were alive. So energetic and passionate.

So crystal clear.

And today, we see a new video of you. "Rare video clips" - broken and blurry images never seen before. We are left with black and white movements that are undefinable, unfindable, unwindable.

And for some reason, we are drawn in. For some reason, we're inspired. For some reason, we still see you.

For your images and videos may be faded.

But you.

You are our Rebbe.

You will always be.

So crystal clear.