NOW.

I hate wanting Moshiach with this "enough is enough" tone.

A Muslim walks into the Seattle Jewish Federation and opens fire. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Hearing about many deaths over the past weeks. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Bombs falling on the cener of my heart - Tzfas. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Walking through the airport, and all the newspapers scream about Israel. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Feeling the Tisha B'av hunger in my stomach. And I want Moshiach.

It's sick. Does it have to take pain and suffering to awaken within me a genuine desire for Moshiach. Am I this numb?

I wish my yearning transcended all this craziness, all the confusion, all the losses.

I wish that, in every situation, I had a vision; an eagerness.

Where is it?

Where is it when I am strong and laughing?

I just wish everything would just calm down, so I can find the truth in this yearning.

I wish I could show G-d that I'm for real about this.

That, no matter what, I want Moshiach NOW.

Just because he wants it, and he wants me to want it.

Now.

Pesach condensed - but capturing it all.

I am finally at a computer.

Pesach was so charged with every emotion, so many stories, crazy high energy. I could right all about the music, the dancing. I could write about Benni, the most inspiring person I've met in a while. I could write about crazy late night bonding sessions. I could write about the Moshiach Seuda. I could write about the 6 hour hike to and from Amuka. I could write about powerful Matza experiences. I could write about the highs of being on Shlichus.

I could write without ever stopping. I could write about all of it with enthusiasm, remembering every detail. I could laugh and cry all over again, as I search for the right words.

But none of it can truly be summed up or relayed through mere words. Its too vivid, too real, and in many ways - too personal. All my experiences from Pesach have touched the deepest part of me, and I'm confident they'll live on forever, constantly reshaping my present and future, serving to raise every moment.

I had no clue how I would attempt to write tonight. Yesterday, I looked so forward to being able to get to a computer the next day, tonight. But what to write? What experience to give over, to get out? I was clueless, for real.

And then I woke up this morning. My experience just waking up gave me exactly the experience I wanted to really give across, to help others get a feel of the jam packed past weeks.

(the following is a totally un-exaggerated report of my experience this morning)

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I've been sick with a cold/cough, and my dreams when I'm sick are always very colorful. This one was no exception.

I was in a green field with all different types of people of all ages. Every "type" of Jew was there, and we were all socializing happily. Good energy. All of a sudden, the sky got our attention. It turned a deep blue. Next thing, the moon started racing towards the sun. It actually joined the sun, pouring beautiful colors into the field. It then passed through the sun, and continued in a circle, passing through the sun again and again. We were all marveling at the sight. Then, tons of laughing children came out of nowhere and were dancing in the field, as sprinkles - or something like it - started to rain down on everyone.

That's when the dream ended.

I woke up to a loud blaring sound. I sat up quickly, trying to see if I was actually hearing it, or was indeed just a sick delirious and tired girl. No, I wasn't crazy! There WAS a loud sound. It sounded like someone was blowing a loud shofar from the Metsuda (the highest point of Tzfas - a mountain top right outside my apartment)! I couldn't believe it! Moshiach is here! It's actually happening! I raced to open my shades to see the person blowing the shofar - but I couldn't see anything between the trees. But still, I could hear it! I was overjoyed, but so many thoughts came into my head. I am in my pajamas! I can't greet Moshiach like this! And where are my apartment mates?! I wanted to share this moment with them! Where do I go? What do I do?

I ran outside my room to find one of my apartment mates looking panic-stricken from the loud shofar sound. I couldn't understand why she looked scared. I was thinking, "Hello! Moshiach is here! Quick, get dressed! Lets go!"

This is when I found out that the huge minute long blast was for Holocaust Memorial Day - it was the minute of silence that grossly invades a minute of every year here in Israel.

Moshiach is still not here. But I am glad that during the sound, a sound that signifies death and silence and pain, there was one crazy girl, so high off her Pesach experience, racing to greet Moshiach.

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I was not completely dissapointed when I found out Moshiach wasn't actually here, although I remember thinking, "Yea, how do YOU know it wasn't a shofar?" But still, I dunno, I really hope not to be wearing my pajamas when Moshiach arrives.

But, I realized the real reason I wasn't disappointed is because, for me lately, every single day has had elements of Moshiach. This morning showed me just how much I've been really living redemption. Every moment had been packed with such a barrier-breaking, freedom-ringing, redemption-bouncing sort of focus. I feel it so deeply - there's no going back, only forward...and I can't wait. I've definitely strengthened my yearning for the real and final redemption, that's for sure. But until it comes (may it be now!), I've been blessed to bring parts of it into my everyday, to reveal it in every encounter, every person.

I miss Pesach. But clearly, it is with me for good - so I am happy.

Even if it took an abrupt arousal from bed and a semi-delirious experience to prove it.

Myth #3: "Chabad has this shtick with Moshiach"

shtick also schtick or shtik n. Slang 1. An entertainment routine or gimmick.


Sometimes, the small passing moments or comments in class reveal the most.

It happened in Rabbi Pasternak's sicha class.

In one of the Rebbe's sichos on Yud Shvat, he discusses the spreading of Chassidus and how each of our Rebbes had a particular way of giving over Chassidus to the masses. In one line, the Rebbe talks about how the Baal Shem Tov gave the light of Chassidus to "non-Chassidim." This spurred a whole conversation in class about misnagdim. Rabbi Pasternak was saying that, today, there is no such thing. There may be "non-chassidim", but no one can really be considered a misnaged anymore.

In typical Machon Alte style, one of the students rose to debate: "What do you mean? There are so many people who are anti-Chabad today!"

And I love what Rabbi Pasternak said.

"No, these people aren't opposers to Chassidus. They just have their Moshiach shtick."

Moshiach shtick.

The non-Chabad world has "moshiach shtick?"

Is this guy joking? Come on, Rabbi. Every one knows who has the shtick - let's be real here. We can admit that we got the shtick going on. Let's not turn the tables.

But Rabbi Pasternak wasn't doing any table-turning. In passing, he shed light on a seemingly controversial topic and went straight to the almost comedic core of the "issue."

The people today who seem to be "anti-Chabad" or "misnagdim" usually have this whole issue with Lubavitchers believing the Rebbe to be Moshiach.

And, you see, this is where the shtick comes in.

They talk about it. They laugh about it. They reduce Chabad to this one belief. They can't get into one discussion with a bearded guy without asking him, "so, do YOU believe the Rebbe's Moshiach?" They won't go to the Rebbe's burial place - the resting place of a Tzaddik - because of it. With their ever so valuable free time, they create disgustingly mocking and pathetic websites about it. When they hear that you're close with Lubavitch, they freak out and elect themselves to inform you of the "dangers of the Chabad derech." When they hear that you're totally going to be changing your life by going to a Chabad school, the only thing they find in their brain to ask is, "well, what's their take on the Moshiach thing?"

Yea, it's disgusting.
Yea, it's immature.
Yea, it reveals much weakness and insecurity.
But really, it's all just a routine, it's all just a gimmik.

Really, it all comes down to shtick.

These people get worked up. They invest energy and frustration. How could you possibly believe the Rebbe's Moshiach?! They get innovative with their arguments, and discuss it with their Rabbis. It's like an excercise. They actually sweat. And their performance gives them pride.

The (meshichist) Chabadnik, on the other hand, is grounded, strong, and real with his own beliefs. He waves his own flag proudly, and any of his efforts outward are always focused yet quiet and humble. He won't pull any shtick about YOUR beleifs, you can rest assured.

Why?

Because the Chabadnik finds no impulse to have any shtick about the beliefs of others.

The Chabadnik will be glad to discuss the "Moshiach issue" with you.

But come on, just drop the show. Drop the entertainment.

Stop sweating.

Just turn off all the Moshiach shtick.