Crown Heights Ramble

Crown heights gets you high passing by here’s how it goes a shriek because I haven’t seen you in forever and wow isn’t it cool to see you so out of context I am just coming from nosh world and I knoooow I would also think it would be bigger since it’s called a world but I guess some really small things really are a whole world like eastern parkway here’s the way show me how do we walk through the bachurim on the corner or go up the stairs and around I don’t know show me how its done because clearly theres a way and I feel like a tourist when really we all just come here because of the Rebbe and there’s no such thing as a tourist when it comes to that its all straight to the heart for real that’s how I feel and its hard to see 770 looking a little trashed and acting like a homeless shelter and you gotta struggle to see whats behind all the business the smell the pushing and the shoving and I couldn’t even find one siddur to daven with and succos was simply amazing you go behind these brick walls to discover loving families and opinions and hopes and dreams and when it comes down to it there’s a G-dly soul and of that I am sure but is there a tall bachur for me to marry of that I do not know so I just go with the flow dressing to impress while we roam the street because it has such a beat and our feet go shuffling along and this strong wind comes and all of a sudden there’s a bunch of people holding onto their hats for dear life and life really is funny so I am looking around at these women wondering if I could raise my many children in this place when I don’t feel safe but there’s certainly something special going on in the air so I don’t care about the so-called politics they don’t really exist and her sheital wow you couldn’t get it anywhere else and running into people who are learning and I am thinking man I know I am on shlichus and doing good things but what I would give to be going from class to class being consumed with the Rebbe’s thoughts and how I miss the Rebbe oh Rebbe oh Rebbe we need you and the many cops that protect this town nod their head and badaboom I am in Judaica world which really is a world and I have the headphones bumping to ta shma a new group with a sound a bit too much like rap for me but the rachamana with matisyahu is great and I know the boy bumping to it behind me agrees and we all just move on and move on shuffling through the crowd and I ended up buying the cd because its important to support people who are on fire about Chassidus and you know how it is it seems like everyone here reads my blog and it’s pretty cool he had a grey beard and asked me if I am looking to get married and I blushed and we talked abut Tzfat and then he said goodnight an it really was a goodnight indeed laughing and staying up late and watching them all dance and dance and dance and simcha is a great thing and yiddishkeit is for real everywhere you go went into the city and saw the sukka in washington square park and it’s just the coolest thing met a woman and I told her about what the rebbe has to say about this four walled hut thing with branches on top and she thought it was so cool unlike the Jewish missionizing man I met an hour later who told me I am going to hell and I was like actually I’m just going to the Chabad house right now and wow we need moshiach but life sure is good and so is avi piamenta and his brother rocking it out on kingston and we all want moshiach so our differences disappear no matter how many moshiach pins go flashing through the air and ahhh the sight of yidden dancing feet up off the ground its just beautiful art to me and there’s so many people I didn’t get to see but I’ll back I just love how all these people are rushing around and there are mad swarms of people all because the rebbe and chabad and chassidus and we all love life and our families and each other and it’s nice to bring my laptop and have wireless on the steps of an eastern parkway apartment and also the museum is pretty nifty went to visit someone didn’t have paid entry but in the right time got to rewind and go over it all in my head many conversations come rushing to my mind and I just can’t find my vitamin water that I left outside of 770 and oh well maybe one of the Israelis will enjoy it they’re so cool saving up money for months and months to be by the rebbe wow its just the coolest unlike how all the men and boys light up their cigarettes as soon as Shabbos turns to the festival and I’m pretty tired and content and back in philly crown heights was a whirlwind of the wonderful type of chaos and lets see each other soon badabadoom yea basically that’s pretty much it just can’t sit still its bubbling underneath and it just feels right this warm sort of glow after kicking it with the flow in the heights

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Some pictures I took:

Succah by 770

NYPD in action by the dancing

Boy dancing with heart

A forever swirling yellow flag

Boro Park visitors

My boot and friend's shoe against the plastered pavement

Too cool to dance

The Clouds of Glory in the park

Two Jews and G-d

Steppin' out

A bachur steps out in New York

I have yet to hear the details.

I was Gmail chatting with my brother online today when he had to interrupt to go do something.

"Stepping out..." he said.

I asked, "“to where?"” but he was already gone. I resumed my work at the desk, typing up flyers, calling people...

My brother returned a half hour later to answer me.

"Well, turns out...I was stepping out...to make a Bar Mitzvah. First time Teffilin for a guy I just met in the store."

So this is what happens when the Rebbe's soldiers step away from their computers.

Just like that.

A Jew steps out.

A Bar Mitzva takes place.

A Jew steps out.

A man is reconnected.

A Jew steps out.

And our nation is a little more whole.

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Imagine if we all just stepped out a little more.

The Rebbe'’s lasting vision lives through us almost effortlessly sometimes.

It was just one small step for a Bachur, one giant leap for mankind.

His Smile. And I'm back.

(Due to many inquiries, and some good inspiration, I'm back to blogland)

This is not how it was supposed to be, the girl told herself.

The images, energy...it all led up to...to this?

Her idealistic self came crashing against her reality

And for a while, she couldn't find herself

Her drive to be on fire set off alarms

Why can't I love everything I'm doing?

Why am I looking for more?

Was I real about being G-d's messenger?


But deep down the girl knows what all descents are for...


The girl went to visit the Ohel, the Rebbe's resting place

Where the Rebbe is anything but resting

On the video, the Rebbe spoke to the girl

He said, "Sometimes, it may happen, specifically when you're on G-ds
mission, you have hardships..."

He looked directly at the girl.

With deep urgency in his voice, he concluded that "the only proper
response is to do what you're doing and do it with three times more
the amount, with three times more energy!"

The rebbe reminded the girl that, "Oh, yes...this is G-d's mission."


So the girl is discovering a newfound inner strength

She's finding the happiness and energy that exists no matter what you're doing

That everyday is a gift
That G-d is everywhere

That there are sparks to lift

And there's not time to waste

She's starting to grasp the reality that you make the mission

You define your reality

You make the choice

But most of all

She's discovering tha sometimes the mission has more to do with

What you're needed for

And not what you need

So, with all this, she's coming to terms with a fear

That her deep down burning

Her true inner mission

Cannot

And will not

Wait


So she's starting to run again

She's starting to write again

She's starting to feel G-d's hug

Avinu Malkenu

He is our father

And second, he is our king

But, he is our father first


The girl found that, no matter where your soul lies...

No matter how down, vulnerable, and empty...

If you still look for Him...

He responds with the greatest smile

This year's Tashlich site (e-mail me for more Tishrei pictures).

Conversation #3: The face in the mirror

Yochanan is a man who takes a rolley suitcase of books to learn from everywhere he travels.

After the class tonight, we both find ourselves in conversation by the refreshments table.

He overheard me mentioning to someone else something about learning in a non-Chabad school.

Turns out, he has a story that makes him intrigued in my experience.

So, after he asks, I share it with him.

And he shares his story with mine - a story filled with Boropark, witchcraft, and ultimately the growing of a beard.

He's been through a lot of searching.

I ask: So, after all that, how would you define yourself today?

He lets out a soft sigh and gives a strong stare at the ground.

He says: You know, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't know who is looking back, how he defines himself. But, I do know what it means to do good things, so I try to do them, and, uh...that's where I am."

His answer was so simple and so real.

Where he is...

...maybe it's where we all should be.

I immediately felt like my question about definition was ugly at the core.

For one buzzing young girl, looking in the mirror will be different tomorrow.

Cookies and Nails

[The big picture is when every detail IS the big picture]

The right wood for the art project: $12.00

Short but strong nails: $5.00

Hinges for the a-frame: $6.50

4 huge posts for the pre-school playground: $60.00

Driving everyone at Home Depot crazy: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy.

For everything else, there's a blank check from the Rabbi.

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What happens when an inspired and ideological girl on Shlichus finds herself with a headache debating hardware and lifting heavy things in Home Depot?

Well, she thinks about taking some Advil, never gets any, and tries to go to bed early.

But, she also makes a discovery.

Through her headache and muscle soreness, she finds out that her mission is inescapable.

She finds out that wherever she is, there is her mission.

It means that there is unity.

Literally everything is adding up to the bigger picture.

There is no "off-time."

There is no "this is my Shlichus and this isn't."

None of that nonsense.

Everything is here to serve the mission. It's not just some broad and nice-sounding statement.

It's so real.

Everything I've been doing, I've been making a chain in my mind - seeing how small purchases and decisions add up to the bigger picture. I think to myself, "these cookies will sit on a side table in a class tonight, and will make people feel like we care, keep them fed and comfortable, and they'll want to come back." or "Maybe we had to buy the cookies so that we can run into Barbara and give her a flyer to the grand opening coming up."

These thought processes are fun and rewarding at times. But the truth is, I can't continue to keep making these chains in my mind.

The power of the mission is that I don't need to. In truth, the only thing that rings with unity and power is to see everything - every purchase, every step! - as the mission. Its not just the cookies. It's also all the steps that you walk to the cookie aisle.

And if you forget that those steps are part of the mission, you're forgetting the mission.

It's one mission, and you're on it - all the time.

Wherever you are, there is the mission.

Whoever you're speaking to, there is the mission.

Whatever you hold in your hands, no matter how big or small, there is the mission.

Whatever you see and hear, there is the mission.

It does not need to be found or inspired - it's always there.

Shlichus comes from the word "messenger" or "sent."

So, I've been sent.

No slacking.

Everything is part of it.

You can't exclude one second, one small decision, or one purchase from that which you were sent for.

And the details bring it all to life.

They keep that fire inside burning.

It's very energizing to know that uniting our fellow Jews and making a path for the final redemption really does come down to considering the size of a nail.

Me and the Crickets

The crickets outside are alive, screaming - bubbling with excitement.

It's as if they know how I feel.

My brothers words ring in my ears.

My plane was about to take off from Seattle.

He said, "It all starts now Mim. Every step you take, every breathe...It's all part of your Shlichus."

When my plane landed, all I could do was smile.

My touchdown was really a takeoff.

And I just had to smile at that.

This morning, I went jogging around my new neighborhood.

My brother was right.

Indeed, no step is the same.

This is all really amazing.

And I feel like the crickets here in Narberth Pennsylvania agree.