Myth #1: Lubavitchers wear black hats

I used to think that Lubavitchers wore black hats.

Being in Tzfas and witnessing one of the world's most lively and
cohesive bunch of Lubavitchers, I have changed my mind. It's become
pretty clear to me that Lubavitchers definitely DO NOT wear black
hats.

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, he doesn't have to get
it cleaned by a professional. Nor does he have to always put it in a
special place when he comes home everyday. When a Lubavitcher travels,
he doesn't have to bring his hat box. For what hat?

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, he doesn't have to buy
a hat cover for when it rains. You won't see a Lubavitcher with a
plastic bag over his hat. Why? Because he's not wearing one! Pouring
rain can't change that.

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, he never asks "Oh, is
this going to be a hat function?".

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, a Shadchan will rarely
be caught asking "Does he wear a black hat?" and if the Shadchan DOES
let it slip, she'll probably get a response like "What do you mean?".

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, it's not on any dating
girls list of 'things to look for" in a guy.

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, a teacher from the
Yeshiva will not see his student out of class and interrogate him as
to why he's not wearing one.

Because a Lubavitcher doesn't wear a black hat, he doesn't have to take it off if he is enjoying a
cigarette, hanging out with girls, or dancing to non-Jewish music. He doesn't have two personalities - the "hat me" and the "non-hat me".

I have noticed a few exceptions, some rare occasions when a
Lubavitcher actually DOES wear a black hat.

When a Lubavitcher finds himself davening Mincha with a diverse group
of people, he sees someone not wearing a head covering. All of a
sudden, he thinks "Hey, I'm wearing a hat!", takes it off, and places
it on his hatless fellow Jew.

A Lubavitcher also wears a black hat when he is taking pictures in the
President's Oval Office. The President will say something like "You
know, you can take your hat off" and the Lubavitcher will respond,
"What? My hat? Oh, that's okay. Thank you, Mr. President, but I think
I'll keep it on."

A Lubavitcher realizes he is wearing a hat when he is on the street
helping people put on Tefillin and someone asks him "Why do you Jews
always wear black hats? Do you all think you're Rabbis or something?"
The Lubavitcher touches his hat, goes "oh, this thing?" and explains
to his new friend that the hat has nothing to do with any sort of
religious level, and one should never make that mistake. He then
places the hat on the boy and helps him with the tefillin.

A Lubavitcher can refer to other people as "black hatters" without
confusing people. When the term "black hatter" is used, everyone knows
they're not talking about Lubavitchers.

Why? Because there are people who wear black hats and there are people
who wear black hats.

And Lubavitchers? Well, they just don't wear black hats.