Thursday, August 03, 2006

NOW.


I hate wanting Moshiach with this "enough is enough" tone.

A Muslim walks into the Seattle Jewish Federation and opens fire. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Hearing about many deaths over the past weeks. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Bombs falling on the cener of my heart - Tzfas. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Walking through the airport, and all the newspapers scream about Israel. All of a sudden, I want Moshiach.

Feeling the Tisha B'av hunger in my stomach. And I want Moshiach.

It's sick. Does it have to take pain and suffering to awaken within me a genuine desire for Moshiach. Am I this numb?

I wish my yearning transcended all this craziness, all the confusion, all the losses.

I wish that, in every situation, I had a vision; an eagerness.

Where is it?

Where is it when I am strong and laughing?

I just wish everything would just calm down, so I can find the truth in this yearning.

I wish I could show G-d that I'm for real about this.

That, no matter what, I want Moshiach NOW.

Just because he wants it, and he wants me to want it.

Now.

11 comments:

Raizel said...

That, Mim, is the continuous struggle we have; we always turn to HaShem in the difficult times, and we kind of forget the urgency during the comfortable, easy times. Its frusterating!!! My most impassioned tefillos have been when things are sad and difficult for klal yisrael, and I wish it werent so...because the real reason we want Mashiach is for Hashem, not for us...we want everyone to recognize Hashem. Many people want mashiach (and actually many people say, nah, I'm not ready for him) but to want Mashiach for the right reasons is a struggle because it is about Hashem not our personal needs and wants (and we all know how easy it is to love ourselves).

When I daven for Aron Shlomo, I have been trying to refocus my tefilla from a source of personal anguish of my loss to a loss of Hashem and it is hard I'll tell you! To daven that he should return (not even to my family necesarily) but to the true path of Torah, to serve Hashem in a healthy way.

Mim, once again, thanks for your blog; your soaring.
Love ya my deary

-Raizel

Dovid said...

That's a beautiful post.

Pimplesoflife said...

MIMI ur heaven!! i miss you sooo muhc... i hope ur having fun
send rabbi my best!
MOSHIACH NOW!!!

thinkingrandom said...

ok mim,
so you've inspired me and raiz to have a good chat,

i've even created a blog..
so check it out
and i love what u r writing....

i agree with all u've sed,
i guess we need things to happen in our live to make us aware of the things we truly want and need.
not that these things cause the want and need
they just make us aware of these things inside of us
true
or is this wishful thinking
let me know

A Frum Idealist said...

We are taught that any pain and suffering that we endure, it comes from Hashem to remind us to come back to him. The question is, why don't we take heed and daven and come back without the pain and suffering?

pia said...

mimiiiiii!
i miss ya tonz.ur writing is so real and it really hits home every time.keep it up.
luv ya,
ppia

Anonymous said...

So true. Maybe that's like what the Ba'al Shem Tov meant when He spoke about 'Tzomoh, lecha nafshi, b'eretz tziyah' I year nof you in a barren wasteland, 'kein bakodesh' - halevai bakodesh I should have the same thirst and yearning.

Or like the feeling of a ba'al teshuvah who yearns more than a tzaddik to be close to Hashem, because he is so far.

Your blog is a breath of frsh air, a cup of cold water, great great great. Keep it up.

FrumGirl said...

Thats all it can be now. An enough of enough kind of wanting.

British Girl said...

Hey babe, I feel you !

I want to want!

Mushky said...

So true.

So essential.

So necessary.

So real.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hello there. If any of the people working in the
Rabbinistic community is interested in Messiah, then
I've got some pretty good news. The test is whether
they can stomach the entire post I am about to link
(the first post at the top is the primary one). They
must read the entire post to get to the bottom of it,
all the way to the end, and get back to me, or not. Up
to them, if they pass the test. I bring a gift of End
Times. I expect a thousand backs to be turned at me.

The URL is: http://www.xanga.com/zeefor

Enjoy.