Thursday, August 24, 2006

The pile on my bed - and Marriage.




In just four days, I'm on my way to start my official Shlichus journey in Philadelphia.

So I've been cleaning the room. Like, reeeeeeaaally cleaning.

I attached the book shelf first, then the desk, the drawers, the closet...

Every area in my room opens another door to the past. Old poetry, pictures, school assignments, CDs, letters, scrapbooks...The list goes on of things I have to make the daunting decision: Does it go to the garbage, or do I save it?

I was just looking at the huge pile that has amassed on my bed.

* sigh *

After playing some good music and dancing through all of my belongings, I'm feeling reflective.

I have spent time cleaning my room in between all traveling and transition periods.

But, this time around, something is different.

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I noticed it first when I was looking through my photo-diary, a collection of my photography I put together during highschool. Of course, I have to save it. I knew that. But before I knew it, images were popping through my mind of putting it on a cofee table, and having guests look through it.

For the first time, my choice of "to save or not to save" was all about my future home.

And it wasn't just about the home. The husband and kids were also in the scene.

It happened with everything I touched.

With pictures, I was thinking, "Ha, my kids would love to see this one. And, hmm, what will my husband think about this one? Does he have to know that I once had pimples?"

Going through the books, it was "I've read this a million times, but now my husband just haaaaaaas to read this, so, let's keep it. And people would probably love to borrow this one."

When I got to my CDs, I ended up throwing out tons of strange mixes friends made through out high school, but this collection of niggunim, my kids must have.

While I was organizing my stationary (I have a habit of collecting tons of cards, fancy paper, etc), I convinced myself to hold onto all of it by reserving it for "thank you" cards for my engagement, shower, and wedding.

Candles, that weird little figurine, the vase - it all has a place in my not-yet-purchased home with my not-yet-born children with my not-yet-found husband.

So after going through everything I sat on my bed (that one little spot not covered with stuff) and looked around. The images still dancing in my mind, I smiled inside. I'm so excited to decorate a home. I'm excited to have lots of guests. I'm excited to have kids. I'm so excited to share all this with someone.

Just then, my sister walked in my room, went straight to the pile of throw-away clothing and asked, "Why are you throwing out this hat? It's soooo cute!" My first reaction was, "I'm going to be wearing Sheitels, not hats..." And she then picked up this poncho-like thing that somehow entered my winter wardrobe. I said, "Yea, when I'm pregnant, that might be cool."

My sister gave me such a funny look. I think she's getting what's going on. :)

Manis Friedman says that it's time to get married when it's all you think about.

I'm wondering if all this is what he means.

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So, stuff is in boxes downstairs, my pictures have been taken down, and there is (almost) no trace of the fact that this was ever Mimi's room. It's officially going to be a guest room. I'm thinking, "How weird would that be to visit home with my husband and kids and stay in my old room?"

My mother came to take my now empty bookshelf downstairs. As we were shlepping it, she mumbled to herself, "We'll put the kidsbooks here... for the grandchildren."

Apparently, it's not just me.

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So, now I have a pile of stuff on my bed that have no particular place to go.

Odds and ends, just hanging in mid-air, waiting for a decision to be made.

But me?

Well, it's all too clear where I'm holding.

20 comments:

Dovid said...

What is it with girls???

BTW, here's a little advice: Instead of throwing your stuff out, sell it all on ebay. You'll be shocked to find that there's almost always someone who wants any particular thing.

Mimi said...

I am indeed into eBay (plan on havinng an eBay business someday), would totally go that route. But with all this stuff, it just needs to get out. I'm leaving soon, so...won't be home (or available really) to do it, ship it, etc.

What is it with girls? I don't know. But, trust me, the girl you are going to marry is somewhere doing the same thing...and all for YOU. :)

Sheina said...

Mimi, I'm cracking up! Can't wait! Don't tell the Shluchim what you're thinking, they'll flip out!

Mimi said...

Yea, I know, right? No, the truth of the matter is, they're full aware :). They're like the only Shluchim who don't make their girls sign "no - dating contracts."

But anyways, my heart will be totally involved in Shlichus, of course.

Hi Rabbi B if you're reading this.

:-0

Ha!

Nemo said...

There's really a "no-dating" contract? LOL, sounds like high-school all over again!

Whatever you do though, don't save EVERYTHING. My father saved everything and to this day he's got so much clutter that will never be useful for anything again. Seriously, I don't see the sentimental value in old fishing rods and labels from our extinct deli. Every time I drop in, I offer to bring along a big dumpster, but he claims "you never know when you're gonna need it."

I love my Ta, but I hope to never inherit his saving habits.

Gluck in Philly!

Anonymous said...

whoever u are, u have the greatest most genuine and inspirational blog! thanks!
...oh and hold up on the hoarding, my sis oh so eagerly reached that exciting moment of showing her chatan som old pics...he showed little to no interest..how sad!
...well on second thought, im still hoarding , secretly thinking MY MAN will be different. Girl there is hope!

chana said...

mim ur so honest here- i love it.
i'm scouting out the guys for u in melb, since we decided a aussie would be perfect :)

luv chana FROM AUSTRALIA i shud add, since last time u didnt know it was me

Mimi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mimi said...

Nemo: Yes, there really is a no-dating contract. I myself was amused. But, hey, it makes sense. Would you want to hire a girl who has plans to just drop everything mid-year and get married?

Um, Hi again Rabbi! :)

I am indeed lucky. G-d's plans have more room this way, if that makes any sense.

As for the saving everything, I totally used to be that way. And then eventualy, you just realize how much more simple your life can be but letting go of all the 5th grade assignments that got A's, those shoes you'll never wear (although the object of much fascination), and yes, even the little Ferbie doll your bother once won for you at a carnival (sorry, Dov).

Anonymous: Thanks so much for the compliment. Really nice to hear.

I don't know if I need my future husband to show any interest in old pictures (afterall, I'm barely interested,) but it will, I presume, be fun to look through some old stuff...

Chana FROM AUSTRALIA [:)]: Yea, it was something I was feeling, and I felt the need to write it out. Fortunately, people appreciate the honesty, what's going on underneath the screaming "hilltopian."

Mazel Tov on your sister's engagement! Looks like we have to do some "scouting" for someone else now - and I'm not talking about me anymore ;-)

Raizel said...

Mim,
I love it...at the beginning of your blog I was thinking, 'wow, what a cool experience for you to be having', and then as the blog went on, I just started grinning from ear to ear...and the part with Mushk and especially Mommy talking about the grandkids...I could just feel, hear, see, taste and smell it as you wrote...=)

No more flashbacks from our hs past...only glimpses into the future...yikes! =)

SJ said...

Mimi! We are so old! Ahhhh!!!! Now that my friends are really growing up, maybe I finally can too. Can't wait to see you on this coast sometime in the near future, and to witness your inspiration and joy in your mission firsthand.
-Sarita

Anonymous said...

Great writting!!!!!!

Shloimy said...

Mim,

I totally relate with this post. Every time I come home between years of Yeshiva, I get this feeling that there is really not so much stuff that I need to keep. It's scary to throw things away but it's necessary to move forward in life. I haven't thrown out all my junk yet, but all in due time...

Chasidishe Shaigitz said...

Nice post. Had me smiling all the way through, I think I'm going to take a journey down memory lane myself by going through all my sentimental "junk" :)
G'luck on shlichous and G-d willing finding your bashert speedily.

wandering said...

Ah welcome to the world of single women... May Gd bless you with a smooth and easy journey to finding your soulmate... and when you find him, what a lucky guy he will be ;).

FrumGirl said...

My parents recently moved and I just couldnt go through my old room. It was left as if I still lived there and had so many of my memories. My mom threw most everything out and I'm greatful. I would have probably hoarded it all needlessly!

Out of experience, going back to your childhood home and sleepoing in your old room with your husband and family is so natural. The first time I did I was like wow but it really isnt so crazy at all. Good luck in Philadephia!

rachel said...

Mimi I love it. And I say "save, save, save!" There's nothing like going through your old things every year and remembering every period in your life, making you sad that time flies, but amazed at how much you've grown. I saved things from fifth grade with no thoughts of showing to my future husband and kids. But now when I sift through it, I show all my notes and poems and diaries to Lev, and we love it. I almost feel like he knows me better.

thinkingrandom said...

mim....
hmmmmmm...well first off being as i was in ur room when it was all cleaned out, and it still looks like ur room, can't ever really erase ur touch... anyway i love ur honesty and openess... its awesum
luv ya

pia said...

hey mimi!
i was having the same conversation with your sister the other day! seems like all Notiks think alike!

all i can say is that Thank G-d im still so young that i dont have to start thinking about shiduchim and such! but, as we both know, acc. to Rabbi Freedman, we should both be married by now!
love ya and i hope your really enjoying yourself on shluchus
pia

Chana said...

Hey Mim, your post brought tears to my eyes....*sniff*. Cant wait to share this excitement with you. We should all have such feelings. Your amazing, love, your chana from seattle!