I'm alive!

Movement

I know I'm spiritually in tune when the small things matter.

Correction:

I know I am spiritually in tune when nothing is small at all.

That was the theme that pulsated through every experience I had in Tzfas.

For me, learning Chassidus was all about discovering the unity inherit in everything.

Learning a Sicha, and experiencing how the Rebbe weaves through various levels of Torah and reveals the interconnectedness.

Seeing how tiny decisions have cosmic affects on my growth.

Realizing that my learning in the classroom was was in sync with the trees outside.

Being alive to a spider.

Yea, that's when I know that I am sane. Thats when I know I am okay.

--

So I was walking to the bank yesterday.

I was opening my wallet to make sure I had my check on me.

And just then, right before crossing Eastern Parkway, a quarter fell out of my wallet.

I didn't flinch. I didn't chase it. After all, it was just a quarter.

My coin did a little dance and a few twirls before landing on Kingston Ave, close to the sidewalk.

It glistened in the sun, my little quarter. But I wasn't about to actually go pick it up. Whatever, you know?

My light had turned green. I started walking. It was just a quarter.

And then it hit me.

"Just a quarter?"

The Mimi that sits on a Hilltop and is inspired and is learning and is good and is....yea, her - she never would have said, "Just a quarter."

I thought, "Mimi, you may not feel like you're on a Hilltop lately, but goshdarnit! Start making decisions like she made 'em!"

I was already crossing Eastern Parkway, but turned around. Inside, I couldn't believe what I was doing.

But I am realizing, the thing that feeds inspiration is a certain aliveness to the world; always, and in every detail. Enough pretending its only about farbrengens.

As Jews, our separating title is the belief in one G-d. One G-d as the living force behind everything.

This demands something of me.

I cannot be a robot careening through this world. I must be alive and active, finding the purpose in everything.

Yes, I must go dashing after my fallen coins.

That quarter - that coin that was willed into existence by our mutual Maker - is twenty-five cents of worth. Twenty-five cents of hope. Twenty-five cents of possibilities.

Twenty-five cents of purpose.

After about a minute and a half episode of mental battle, laziness waiting to be conquered, and a good dose of anti-Jewish "whatever"ness squashed by inspiration from "nowhere," I bent down, picked up my quarter, and put it in my jacket pocket.

A bochur who had also been crossing the street saw my mad dash and turned around, giving me a quizzical look.

That's right, dude. Twenty five cents of purpose, right here. In my pocket.

---

I haven't felt this aliveness to details in a long time.

I must say, it feels amazing. It's like returning to myself.

Thats the Mimi I know and love. Chasing a run-away coin to better the world.

Yup, I'm going to be just fine after all.