Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm alive!

Movement


I know I'm spiritually in tune when the small things matter.

Correction:

I know I am spiritually in tune when nothing is small at all.

That was the theme that pulsated through every experience I had in Tzfas.

For me, learning Chassidus was all about discovering the unity inherit in everything.

Learning a Sicha, and experiencing how the Rebbe weaves through various levels of Torah and reveals the interconnectedness.

Seeing how tiny decisions have cosmic affects on my growth.

Realizing that my learning in the classroom was was in sync with the trees outside.

Being alive to a spider.

Yea, that's when I know that I am sane. Thats when I know I am okay.

--

So I was walking to the bank yesterday.

I was opening my wallet to make sure I had my check on me.

And just then, right before crossing Eastern Parkway, a quarter fell out of my wallet.

I didn't flinch. I didn't chase it. After all, it was just a quarter.

My coin did a little dance and a few twirls before landing on Kingston Ave, close to the sidewalk.

It glistened in the sun, my little quarter. But I wasn't about to actually go pick it up. Whatever, you know?

My light had turned green. I started walking. It was just a quarter.

And then it hit me.

"Just a quarter?"

The Mimi that sits on a Hilltop and is inspired and is learning and is good and is....yea, her - she never would have said, "Just a quarter."

I thought, "Mimi, you may not feel like you're on a Hilltop lately, but goshdarnit! Start making decisions like she made 'em!"

I was already crossing Eastern Parkway, but turned around. Inside, I couldn't believe what I was doing.

But I am realizing, the thing that feeds inspiration is a certain aliveness to the world; always, and in every detail. Enough pretending its only about farbrengens.

As Jews, our separating title is the belief in one G-d. One G-d as the living force behind everything.

This demands something of me.

I cannot be a robot careening through this world. I must be alive and active, finding the purpose in everything.

Yes, I must go dashing after my fallen coins.

That quarter - that coin that was willed into existence by our mutual Maker - is twenty-five cents of worth. Twenty-five cents of hope. Twenty-five cents of possibilities.

Twenty-five cents of purpose.

After about a minute and a half episode of mental battle, laziness waiting to be conquered, and a good dose of anti-Jewish "whatever"ness squashed by inspiration from "nowhere," I bent down, picked up my quarter, and put it in my jacket pocket.

A bochur who had also been crossing the street saw my mad dash and turned around, giving me a quizzical look.

That's right, dude. Twenty five cents of purpose, right here. In my pocket.

---

I haven't felt this aliveness to details in a long time.

I must say, it feels amazing. It's like returning to myself.

Thats the Mimi I know and love. Chasing a run-away coin to better the world.

Yup, I'm going to be just fine after all.


14 comments:

Fajita said...

I still don't get how that's twenty five cents of purpose dear... it's a quarter, that you paid attention to- evaluated it its credence, and decided it was worth picking up...

Tzippy Schusterman said...

Hey Mimi welcome back!! Missed yah
your fan
Tzip

the sabra said...

fajita, no. she didn't need the money.
going back was her way of saying that nothing is insignificant in this world that G-d created. nothing can be ignored. e/t has reason and purpose and intent. money? for tzedakah. for good things. dont let the real stuff roll away cuz ur too lazy to see its value. chassidus doesnt demand that we sit and learn sichos a whole day. doesnt demand that we memorize tanya a whole day. chassidus demands, however, that we look at our surroundings and see the elokus in it. see the reason its there. figure out how its a vessel of Light. figure out how to draw down and reveal that Light.

there's no 'whatever's in a jew's life.

ahh but she didn't even give it to tzedakah, didn't even uncover light here?
well no. cuz she started becoming AWARE. and "awareness goreres awareness".

(well thats MY interpretation anyhow. MY thought process. cant really speak for mimi, even though that's what i was just doing hehe)

good luck fellow creations.

Chana said...

fajita-

There's a wealth of possibilities (no pun intended) of great purposes for that little quarter. Tzedaka would be the most obvious one, but I'm sure we can come up with others.

Mimi's so right. The "whatever" attitude can creep in too often. What a refreshing and inspiring read.

cm said...

I love it! Great piece!

So whats this thing on fb about writers block? Doesnt seem so to me dear....

Yitzchak_S said...

Thank you, The Sabra, for explaining this as I also did not understand it (though I would never think that Mimi picked up the quarter because she needed it - I know she is paid at least fifty cents an hour for her incredible talent so if she loses a quarter she just has to work for 1/2 hour to get another one :) :) :) :) :)).

Also - I love that pic! Reminds me of one of my former felines, who used to perch on my shoulder to read the Kfar Chabad with me (and ignore me when I was reading Newsweek, the Economist etc). He also licked my kiddush cup plate clean of kos shel brocho from the Rebbe on several occasions after I made kiddush on it! A gilgul perhaps!

Anonymous said...

its gr8 that you are writing again your blog is so needed
i can think of nothing as powerful as someones honest and sincere search for meaning and purpose....
its not the ups or down its the fact that we stay the course and keep looking that in the long run makes all the difference
all the best and yasher koach

Anonymous said...

i love you!!!

Mimi said...

Who from Montreal is telling me they love me? Hmm....

Rochelle said...

Welcmoe back Mimi!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its gr-8 to se you writing again! my apologies for not commenting until now but im haing some tech difficulties with my comp. :)

e. said...

It is funny, a quarter that reads...In G-d we trust, ultimate JEW...ishness. Nice to read you again!

Anonymous said...

BS"D

love u my frum SJP...lol

b

Anonymous said...

Won't you develop OCD if u continue in this way?

Yettel said...

Wow, Mimi- well said. this encapsulates the whole thing.
Keep it up!